SANJAY SAYS

Internal Family Systems: A Therapy Revolution 40 Years in the Making

Is it real, or is it a metaphor?

Um, would one of you like to say something? — created in Dalle 3

One night, a year ago, I was in a bar, staring at an empty cocktail glass and craving a second espresso martini. This in itself wasn’t unusual, but what happened next was. I didn’t order the drink.

I like to drink. I own a cocktail lounge. Let me tell you, when Sanjay wants a drink, Sanjay gets a drink. But I didn’t just stop drinking alcohol, I did something even harder— I cut down my drinking by 90% without stopping cold turkey.

You’re thinking… “Sanjay! You have amazing willpower!”, or maybe, “Sanjay! You’re a fucking liar!”, but no, I indeed assure you. And I’m going to tell you how I did it, which is all about discovering Internal Family Systems.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach based on the idea that there are a bunch of personalities inside every one of us, a sort of family inside your head, each member of which has its personality, desires, fears, and ways of doing things.

Do you feel like having a drink? It’s a member of your family that thinks drinking is good. Do you think the drink has too many calories? It’s a member of your family that is worried about your weight. It’s not that you lack…